It appears that I’ve survived another Christmas. Another year of rushing around for gifts, vowing to “start early” next year, and ultimately forgetting that idea once I see that people are digging the things I bought them. Pffft, I work best under pressure. Although, I did do most of my shopping in November this year, which technically is early for me. Maybe once I’m wearing my Mom hat next year, I’ll be magically motivated to get it done in September. More likely, though, I’ll forget Christmas is happening until approximately 27 hours prior.
Christmas felt a little off this year. I think it’s a combination of things-my mom being sick (and fresh out of the hospital, after a week-long stay), Matthew, Jess and Jack not being around, and the general feeling that no one was really into any of it. It’s such a stark contrast to the way Christmas felt when I was a kid. I know that’s part of the deal that comes with adulthood, but sometimes I wish I could get even just a drop of it back. Everyone has been telling me that once you have a child of your own, Christmas feels like magic again. I look forward to that, being able to see the holidays through the lens of a child.
It’s been a very difficult year for me, in a lot of ways that are not worth delving into. I was sitting here this morning, reflecting on how much life changes in twelve short months. During my Christmas break last year, I sat parked on the sofa for most of it, eating candy, drinking wine and watching all the seasons of Mad Men. This morning, I spent nearly three hours researching strollers and breast pumps, before deciding on (and registering for) them. Last year, my normal jeans fit me. This year, I only fit into jeans that lack a zipper and have a panel that pulls all the way up to my ribs. A side note about aforementioned jeans: 1)I’ve developed a very deep love affair with them-their comfort makes up for their hidden horrible-ness; 2)I am continually shocked by how many people have asked me to pull up my shirt so they can get a better look at that f-ing panel.
Anyway, my point is…we’re taken down roads that we don’t expect. And this year has made me a little gun-shy about anticipating what might come next, but it’s my hope that it’s nothing but goodness and love and light. And I wish the same for all of you-I hope 2013 brings you joy and health. Thanks for sharing little glimpses of my life with me.