The personal IS the political.

It’s a given that I’m an Obama supporter.  Anyone that knows anything about me knows this.  However, I am not naive enough to believe that he is capable of solving all that needs to be solved.  It’s a job far beyond the time and scope of any one administration.  If you believe otherwise, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Knowing this, I am voting for the man who I believe best understands the needs of the Americans he will represent, and works to align himself with meeting those needs.

We’ve all got issues that are important to us.  For me, those issues are health care, poverty, education, the environment, human rights, the economy, and equality-in marriage, adoption, legal protections, military service, and the general right to enjoy the freedoms that others are afforded.  And today, this last one is heavy on my mind.  I caught this Huff Post article that talks about Romney’s attempts to marginalize the gay families of MA during his tenure as governor, by supporting an amendment to ban gay marriage, and to also make it all but impossible for the non-biological parent of a same-sex family to appear anywhere on the birth certificate.  Each sentence disburbed me more and more, but this is what sent me over the edge:

Julie Goodridge, lead plaintiff in the landmark case that won marriage rights for gays and lesbians before the Supreme Judicial Court, asked what she should tell her 8-year-old daughter about why the governor would block the marriage of her parents. According to Goodridge, Romney responded,“I don’t really care what you tell your adopted daughter. Why don’t you just tell her the same thing you’ve been telling her the last eight years.”

Mind you, this “adopted” daughter he dismissed was, in fact, her biological daughter.  A fact Romney was quick to overlook, because he ultimately doesn’t care.  He’s made it clear on multiple occasions-gay families are lesser than straight families.  He has no interest in protecting the rights or interests of an entire subset of the population he desires to serve.  For a man who believes in the idea of reducing big government, he certainly has no problem with forcing that same government into the homes/beds of thousands of Americans.

You may say that this isn’t an issue that affects you personally; 90 % of the population will never contend directly with the difficulties that same-sex couples face when trying to be a family.  Many of you may not even have anyone in your lives whom this affects.  I do.  So, allow me to introduce you to Corinne and Lisa:

Corinne and Lisa are two very dear friends of mine, who were married a little over two years ago in MA, in one of the most beautiful ceremonies I have ever attended , and are expecting their sweet baby boy this February.  Pretty standard story, right?  Only, these two spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to conceive, and contended with the heartache and hurt that came with that process.  It was heartbreaking as their friend to watch them struggle with the failed attempts, and incredibly gratifying to get the news that they were finally pregnant.  As difficult as this was, it was far from the most trying challenge they continue to face in trying to start a family.

These two women are going to be the most amazing parents, and I cannot wait to see them as a family, raising a baby boy who is going to be surrounded by so much love and happiness, that his little heart will overflow.  I am excited to see pictures of the three of them over the years- on the beaches of their home state,  celebrating holidays with their families, the little guy running around and playing with their dog Olive, and the little moments of pure, unabashed joy that fill their lives.  I can’t wait to hear them talk about how no matter how badly they always knew they wanted him, nothing could have prepared them for the love they felt when he was finally in their arms. I am looking forward to these things not only because I love them, but because they deserve it.  They deserve the right to find happiness and joy wherever they can in this world, to experience every sweet drop of life as a family.

Even though his arrival is just a few short months away, there are still battles to be fought.  There is all the legal paperwork to contend with, so that Corinne is protected as the other legal parent of their son.  And with that, comes exorbitant cost and jumping through hoops to prove herself to the state, a state that doesn’t yet recognize their marriage.  For example, Corinne AND Lisa (the biological parent) must complete fingerprinting and background checks, as well as a home study.  Lisa is a veteran of the US Air Force, who served this country proudly for six years, and is being made to follow an exhaustive process, because that same country doesn’t recognize her marriage or family.  Corinne must provide letters of recommendation regarding her character, from multiple sources.  Corinne also has to follow a tedious process to ensure that if, God forbid, something happen to Lisa before,  during or after childbirth, her child isn’t taken into the custody of the state and taken from her.  Because without all of this, he would be.  The state would find foster parents, strangers, better suited to raising this child, than his other mother.  Disturbing as this all is, same-sex adoption wasn’t even legal in Florida until two years ago, so this is what progress looks like.

These are experiences most people never even have to entertain, when deciding to have a child.  Why is the default that parents are considered fit unless proven otherwise, when the parents are straight?  I think time and experience has shown that children are no more secure in straight-coupled homes, yet heterosexual couples don’t have to prove themselves to be suitable parents before being allowed to have a child.  So, when you find yourself thinking about this issue, this topic that may never directly impact you, I want you to remember their faces, their story…because this IS personal to them, and thousands of families just like theirs.

And although you may say you disagree with Romney’s policies on equality, yet still plan to vote for him for his economic “policies” (which are what, again?), remember that by voting for him, you are still responsible for perpetuating anti-gay legislation and rhetoric.  Remember that your decisions, and Romney’s (if elected) have human consequence.

4 thoughts on “The personal IS the political.

  1. Thank you – thank you – thank you…..
    I just read this on my phone, and almost ran to my laptop while finishing reading so I could comment.

    We obviously share VERY similar political views – and my dad (who raised me as a democrat & then 10-15 years ago changed his registration to republican – no, I’m still not sure why) has just recently said to me a couple times that ‘gay marriage is a social issue & shouldn’t even be part of a presidential election’. His views are – I don’t care who you marry, just be happy. And I’ve reminded him that – while he might consider gay marriage “just a social issue” that doesn’t really matter much, to many Americans – it’s their entire lives.
    It’s getting to visit their loved one in the hospital if an accident were to happen; it’s not being shut out by their partner’s family from any life benefits, access to the house/apartment, or even being able to participate or be present for the funeral when their partner passes away; it’s raising children without first being required to pass microscope approval to even be a parent. It’s simply trying to live everyday life for a faction of the American people. How can you disregard that they exist & the struggles they encounter?

    I reminded him that – while I’m currently dating & living with a man, and marriage is simply implied – I could just as easily be living with & dating a woman. How would you feel about the topic then, Dad? If I was living with a wonderful girl, instead of a boy – how would that change your opinion of marriage equality?

    For me, a candidate’s stance on the topic is something hugely important. But I get it that everyone isn’t bisexual. I get it that everyone isn’t gay. But I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person, and I simply *cannot* understand how & why some people are not capable of processing why the legal right to get married would be important for everyone to be able to exercise.

    I think when we’ve reached a point that 50% of all births in America are not planned (great that they use the PC term, instead of ‘fucking accident’ – which is usually the term used by the parents involved). But anyway – when half of all births in this country are accidental – I think we’re safe to allow same sex partners ‘automatic parenthood’ for their partner’s kids – especially the married ones!! I mean, c’mon…. the only reason the hoops are so numerous to jump through is because some people still have a death grip on the whole “gay = pedophile” fallacy.

    And it’s pretty clear the majority of pedophiles are white, middle aged, republican, straight men who’ve spent a lifetime repressing themselves & trying to “pray the gay away” – or ‘prey the gay away’ as the case may be…..

    1. It’s funny, Laur-my father and I had an almost identical conversation last week, wherein he said, “I don’t care if you want to marry a dog-you should be able to do what makes you happy in life. This shouldn’t even be a governmental issue.” While I understand (and appreciate) the core of that sentiment, people do need to realize that it HAS to be a government/political issue, at least for now, because it’s the government (and puppetmasters therein) that is obstructing progress.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope this post goes viral! In some way this touches everyone. Know it or not, believe it or not. It wasn’t THAT many years ago that interacial marriage was illegal. Remember those days? I do. I have been with my partner for 15 years, longer than most heterosexual marriages last, and we still have to file a federal tax return as “single” but file a joint California refurn and individual AZ state returns. Thats a lot of accounting just because we are not recognized as “legally married”. It’s nearly impossible to adopt as a gay male couple, yet two people can have sex at any given moment and make a baby without any approval from anyone. What’s next? How will it effect you?

    1. Hi, David-
      Thanks for weighing in. Stories like yours and Corinne & Lisa’s need to be told, and we need to be as loud as we can about it. It has been surprising to me how many allies we have, that still have no idea the extent to which same-sex couples and families are marginalized and stigmatized for wanting the same rights as straight couples. Keep fighting the good fight, feel free to share this post as you please, and know that you have so many of us by your side, fighting for your rights.
      Love and light-Jenn

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