Things I’ve learned about myself in the past 48 hours.

Everyone knows I love a good list, so here it goes:

1)I have a max capacity for number of secrets shared with me in a given week.
-And that number is one. Today alone, two people shared big secrets with me. It makes me physically uncomfortable to sit on that much knowledge. It’s the psychological equivalent of needing to unbutton my pants after Thanksgiving. Since having given up my former M.O. of the assumption that “don’t tell anyone” means “tell one person; namely, your bestie or significant other”, it’s become that much more difficult. I think it’s in my best interest (and yours, if you’re telling the secret) to share before 10am. Chances are, no one else has gotten to me first, and you won’t be met with a “LALALA, I CAN’T UNHEAR THAT!!!” Good grief. Go to confession, and unpack it there. Or to an out-of-the-way bar. Don’t bait me with a “Guess what?”, let me bite, me thinking that it’ll be something innocuous, only to hit me with something big. I just can’t.

2)I texted the following words to someone tonight: “Need dinner. Want cookies. Settling for a gin & tonic and some bread.” And was only partially trying to be funny.-I’m not sure when I became a frat boy, but this latest illness, coupled with being left to my own devices, has me eating like a maniac, and paying ZERO attention to what I’m putting into my body. G&T and bread-like some sort of lowbrow communion feast. I think what shames me the most, is that I totally wasn’t kidding. But in my defense, the bread WAS whole grain. I need to get my act together.

3)Social media is giving me anxiety.-The fact that there are people in this world that are submersed in social media for a living makes me want to blow my brains out. Facebook, fine. OK. Everyone (well, mostly everyone-those 50plus-ers notwithstanding) has a decent handle on that. But, oh God, Twitter. I started actively using it yesterday, and I swear to Ted Kennedy that I have never felt so overwhelmed by something so seemingly simple. Tweets, tweets and more tweets, with slashes and HASHTAGS (don’t get me started on that) and all sorts of coded jumble I don’t even understand. There’s apparently some sort of communication occurring, but who the hell can figure it out? #Dumbass. I honestly don’t know if this is going to work out. Especially if nprnews doesn’t stop posting something every .24 seconds. It plays into two of my biggest areas of compulsion in life-a hatred of clutter (you’re clogging my feed repeatedly), and the need to perform perfectly (I want to be Twitter-proficient, and right now, I’m basically scribbling with a Crayola, while everyone else is painting a masterpiece). And the nightmare called Tumblr? That made my ears get hot. Although, it may be due to the fact that my first encounter with it was on some teenage girl’s page, where she was chronicling her “journey” to anorexia, and an 85 lb. goal weight. That’s a whole different ball of wax, though, and all I can say is that that’s what I get for clicking with wild abandon on seemingly innocent Pinterest pictures to find the origin of the content. Sidebar: SO, SO glad I’m not a high schooler in today’s world. Jesus.

4)In summation, I need a vacation. From work, from people, from technology.
-Sure, I’ll probably need a blow dart tranquilizer to enjoy myself, but I think the rest could be good for me.

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